When I See a Movie

In August of 2006, I watched my boyfriend's house while he was on a missions trip to Uganda. I missed him terribly, but preoccupied myself with filling him in on my activities. One night I went to see The Devil Wears Prada with one of my friends, Lindsay, and after Lindsay dropped me off at the house, I wrote a frantic e-mail essay to Scott relating to him how much the movie had put an impression on my soul. This is the e-mail.

When I see a movie, I get immersed in it. If it has a message that speaks to me, I’m still in the movie until I wake up the next morning. I BECOME the movie. That doesn't usually happen with the people I go with. The minute we step out of it, they're already back in the world and I'm still stuck in the movie. The same thing happened tonight when Lindsay and I went to see The Devil Wears Prada. I'm still in it. I'm thinking up alternate endings. I'm thinking of what Andy would be doing right now after she gets the job at the New York Mirror. I think I'm writing the sequel in my head. But I won't get to sleep tonight until I've turned into Fiona Black again.

Movies and stories affect me so much that I think it's dangerous. I'm such a person who can be affected by external influences. For instance, when I hang out with a person and their speech really impresses me, or their mannerisms for some reason just get me, I start becoming them later on. I am a chameleon. An actor. I change so I can fit in and I'm happy that way. I'm a crowd-pleaser in many ways.

I learned in a book by producer Lawrence Turman, author of So You Want to Be a Producer, and professor at USC, that you have to change in order to get to the top; in order to please certain brass. However, that change doesn't have to be so significant that you lose your identity or your values. I hold very true to my values. In that way I know who I am and am very stalwart in my beliefs -- the opposite of a chameleon-- and I remember a certain line from the book that proves that.

I was TOTALLY thinking about my path in Hollywood when watching this female protagonist have to choose between her boyfriend and her profession. The whole time I was thinking, frightened, "what if this is going to be me?" Can I work in the biz and still hold those I love as close to me as before?

When Andy pours her heart out to the friendly effeminate clothing designer, Nigel, he tells her the cold hard truth,

"It's a fact that your social life fails when you start doing well at work. Just wait until your whole life falls to pieces. Then you can expect a promotion". I thought- how unhappy! There's no hope for life! But just then I thought of this book and I'd like to share it with you because I believe there is hope. Please bear with me. I'm still coming down from the high of seeing a movie.

This former producer turned professer, Larry Turman, brings in a lecturer at a seminar for his incoming students and he poses a dilemma to the class. He says,

"Your best friend's life story is fascinating and dramatic. He verbally agrees to give you the motion-picture rights; he even says you can take liberties as long as you do not change the ending. Once you get to Hollywood, a studio wants you to produce a film about your friend's life for a large fee, but wants you to change the ending. How many of you would do it?

Of the twenty-five students, half a dozen raised their hands. I was surprised by their willingness to break the trust of their friend, and by their willingness to admit that they would do so. I thought political correctness would override those who, in the deep recesses of their heart, would indeed be willing to sell out their friend.

Josephson (the lecturer) and I exchanged a look and rolled our eyes, and then he asked, ‘Why would you do that?’ It turns out that everything the students had heard or read about Hollywood and how business is done made them feel they had to lie, cheat, steal, and pillage to get ahead. I was more saddened than shocked. I staunchly believe one can be moral and ethical and still have a very successful career... in any field. I jumped in to explain that having integrity is the best business, and the best way to live.

Josephson interrupted me, disagreeing: ‘It may not be the 'best business' every time. You can lose a particular deal or job to someone who behaves unethically, but it will not hinder your long-range career.’ He was right. I stood corrected. But I still think I was also right."

Turman goes on to talk about how he was offered a producing job by a friend and then a week later offered the same job from a really important person who offered up top-name actors and a nice salary and he turned him down because he had made a commitment already. That’s classy. Then he says the picture he did with the friend turned out well and the picture the top-notch man with all the money did terribly and got sued. That, by the way, is the same thing that happens to Andy in The Devil Wears Prada. Andy turns down a top-notch job and lives a mediocre life, while the person who took up Miranda’s well-paying position financially prospers. It’s implied, though, that Andy is much happier.

Before you can go up the corporate ladder, you have to be brought down to earth first. Andy learned a lot from her tortuous job working for the dragon lady. I'm going to have to go through hell before I reach heaven, too.

I’m going to take out my energy on your plants now.

Love, Fi.